No. Really.
I am not sadistic in nature at all. I do not like to watch people crash and burn. I usually try to circumvent it happening if I see it coming. I can honestly say I would have stopped it this time, but I didn't put everything together in my head before it was too late.
Now, this is going to get tricky because there are a lot of names I will need to most specifically not say. So, we're going to call the people involved Agent A, Agent B, and Author S (S standing for screwed, just for a kicky bit of foreshadowing.)
The other day I was reading Agent A's blog. I don't follow this blog. I want to state that upfront so no one tries to guess who I'm talking about. While reading some back posts, I realized pretty quickly that Agent A is very good friends with Agent B though they don't work at the same agency. But from the tone of the banter they tossed back and forth, it was easy to see they were tight.
Sidebar: I think that's really sweet. Agents from two different agencies being pals. And further proof of just how small the world of publishing is. But I'm getting ahead of the story here.
Author S is a frequent commenter on Agent A's blog. I mean, frequent. I hypothesize that if Agent A said "I like oatmeal" Author S would have a forty line response to it. I guess there's nothing wrong with that. If creepy stalker is the identity you're looking to take on. It's not the constancy of Author S's replies that make me a little nervous for Agent A; it's the absolute slathering adoration Author S goes out of his/her way to put in each comment. It. Makes. Me. Twitch. There are other people who comment on nearly every post. The difference is the replies not belonging to Author S are insightful, pertinent to the topic at hand, and not buried in a bucket of prose about Agent A's status as the place wherein the sun rises and sets.
However, despite Author S's deep affection for Agent A, Author S doesn't appear to read for the actual content of Agent A's posts. Author S appears to skim just to have something to comment on. Otherwise Author S would surely have figured out what I did about Agent A and Agent B's friendship, especially considering Author S was a longtime follower of the blog. But no. Sadly. Author S didn't get it.
Sidebar 2: I don't know everything about trying to get an agent to offer representation. Please don't imagine I'm setting myself up as an expert. So am not. But I have a pretty good handle on logical decision-making. And a decent handle on just old-fashioned bad business.
A few days ago, Author S mentioned a query he/she sent to Agent A. Asked, basically, if Agent A had gotten it yet. Did Agent A think it was something he/she would want to represent? Not read. Represent. Even I know there's a missed step in there. Agent A did reply, which raised him/her in my estimation about a thousand percent. It was a very nice--albeit vague--response stating Author S would hear back after Agent A read the query.
I don't know anything else about what happened with Author S's query to Agent A. It was never mentioned again. Yesterday, Author S was back in full action. This time he/she was reaming an agent in absentia. Seriously, somewhere there was an effigy and it was a'burning.
An effigy of Agent B.
If you didn't see that coming, I worry about your limited deductive powers.
Really. It was horrifying to read. Horrifying and borderline terrifying. Author S not only called Agent B by name, Author S mentioned the name of the agency where Agent B works, and called both by names that, while not quite actual epithets, were pretty awful. He/She (Geez, that's getting old) talked about how unprofessional, stupid, ridiculous, etc. Agent B was.
Now, I won't quote what Agent A said to Author S. That would be searchable and I have no desire to get Author S any attention. But, wow. I might have been embarrassed for Author S if he/she hadn't deserved the tirade that was laid upon him/her.
I wouldn't, for anything, want to piss Agent A off. It was hardcore.
So, in brief. Don't talk about agents in public forums. No matter how pissed or hurt or disillusioned you might feel, don't do it. I know, I know. I had my own little rant about an agent the other day. But I never called the agent by name, never mentioned any identifying information, and only quoted an email sent directly to me. I've had a few people email me asking for the identity of the agent, couching the question as "I just don't want to make the mistake of querying this agent." They got bupkis. It's not my place to play query police, nor is it any other aspiring author's.
It really is a small world out there and it can go 'round and 'round without any one of us. It's hard enough to find representation without letting a tantrum destroy your chances.
Just my opinion. Do with it as you wish, m'kay?
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